There are some things in our life where no amount of tears can fully erase the pain. There are incidents where no matter how much we cry, we never feel better. Time may help us to get back to our feet to move on with our daily activities. Nevertheless any remembrance of those incidents never fail to bring tears to our eyes. Friends, whatever it is, I want you to know that God loves you and He is the LORD who cares for you.
A week ago, by chance, I clicked on an article in the internet where the author described the grieve of their stillborn child. It brought back very painful memories of the passing of my twin babies many years ago. I began crying and the pain in my heart was excruciating. At that very moment, I saw this scripture where our LORD told Moses that He is the LORD:
2 And God said to Moses, “I am Yahweh—‘the Lord.’[a] 3 I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob as El-Shaddai—‘God Almighty’[b]—but I did not reveal my name, Yahweh, to them.4 And I reaffirmed my covenant with them. Under its terms, I promised to give them the land of Canaan, where they were living as foreigners. 5 You can be sure that I have heard the groans of the people of Israel, who are now slaves to the Egyptians. And I am well aware of my covenant with them.
6 “Therefore, say to the people of Israel: ‘I am the Lord. I will free you from your oppression and will rescue you from your slavery in Egypt. I will redeem you with a powerful arm and great acts of judgment. 7 I will claim you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God who has freed you from your oppression in Egypt. 8 I will bring you into the land I swore to give to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I will give it to you as your very own possession. I am the Lord!’” Exodus 6:2-8 (NLT)
That very phrase ‘I AM the LORD’ gave me great comfort. The very knowledge that as believers, we are God’s people, reminded me of God’s love. I remembered this article where our inheritance as a child of God is that our LORD says ‘You are my people’. When I read the above scriptures of how the LORD redeemed and delivered the Israelites whom the LORD said ‘I will claim you as my own people’, I am comforted that I too am the LORD’s. At that very moment, the pain in my heart left me.
There are things in my life where tears never seems to run dry, where no amount of crying can erase the hurts. It is pointless for me to dwell in those tears. I have learned that God loves me deeply. It is never God’s will for me to suffer. Someday, He will wipe away every tears from me. The best thing right now is for me to turn my eyes upon Jesus.
Friends, in Dec 2012 when my twin babies died, I asked the LORD why? Why didn’t He save them? Certainly God can. But why He didn’t? That was 14 years ago. And I know the reason now. In 2014, I discovered the most horrible thing in my life — my ex-husband was leading a double life just 2 years into our marriage. For 9 years, my ex-husband was regularly visiting prostitutes, having affairs with them, one after another, while at the same time, he would come home every evening like any faithful homely husband and loving dad. Every weekend, he would be attending church with me like any believers. He was so good at leading the double life that he even boast about it in some forums. He went into forums to describe his secret life, as a way to release the darkness in his life and at the same time learning from men of similar walk. When I first discovered that he was visiting prostitutes, I could hardly comprehend what was going on as it was a very different world that I knew little about. At the same time, he found himself so addicted to it that he could not pull himself out after he was discovered. To continue in that lifestyle, and seeing that I badly wanted to keep my family, he did greater evil with no fear. He no longer faithfully come home every evening as a loving husband. Instead, he would come home at 4am in the morning or find excuses never to come home for months. If I were to confront him, he would turn violent and physically abuse me. He even challenged to divorce me if I were to stalk him. I could hardly believe how can a man turn evil overnight? How could a husband not treasure his family when his wife chose to keep the family despite his infidelity?
I lived in that hell for 5 years until one day, I stopped blaming God for all my misfortune and turned to Him. The LORD asked me very gently “why are you still in this marriage?” Those words from the LORD gave me strength and courage and proceeded by faith to divorce. The life after divorce, as a single parent were difficult, physically and financially very difficult. I knew then why the LORD took my twin babies home. I will never be able to cope if they were still with me. I know that someday, I will see my babies again. My LORD will wipe away every tears from my eyes.
Some times, I forgot the reason and I cried when I remember my babies. However through all these, I have experienced that God loves me, immensely. Some times, He allows some things to happen, we cannot understand but one thing for sure, He loves us, it is never His will for us to suffer. Friends, remember that only our LORD Jesus knows what lies beyond the bend. Turn to Him, do not dwell on your pain, turn to Him for He cares for you and He holds your future in His hands.